Nature is a Ho

This morning, as my husband was leaving for work, I heard all sorts of squawking coming from the front yard. I peeked out the front door and saw two birds flying around our trees and making a huge racket. And when I say huge, I mean LOUD AS SHIT.

Exhibit A: Mama or Papa Bird:

I also saw my cat in the front flower bed looking quite scared and trying to make a break for it.
Exhibit B: Diabla (sorry, I couldn't get one of her in the front yard):


You see, a baby bird had fallen out of its warm, comfy nest and our darling cat was most likely about to eat it. My husband saved it just in time. He picked it up with a paper towel (even though you can touch baby birds, apparently birds don't have a very well developed sense of smell), put it back in the tree and headed off to work. I herded our cat inside and even though she was glad to be rid of the dive-bombing birds, she was meowing at the top of her lungs because she knew there was a baby bird outside ripe for the eatin'. I realize that's nature, but sometimes nature is a crack whore you'd rather not deal with.

To make a long story short, I glanced out the window and there lay the paper towel on the ground. Crappity crap. I went out there (in my piggy pajamas), put him/her in a bowl and put it back in the tree. (Sidenote: About this time, I looked up to see my Harley riding, braided hair, bandana wearing, ZZ Top looking neighbor looking at me. Um, yeah dude, don't judge. Pig pajamas are AWESOME especially when you're not wearing a bra. Whatever.) Anyway, the bird immediately flew/flopped out of the bowl and on to the ground. Shit. This time I put it in one of our flower pots so it would be closer to the ground...mind you, the parent birds were flying overhead and making a racket the entire time. They were NOT happy that someone was messing with their kid.

Exhibit C: CUTE ASS BABY BIRD:

OMG, it was breaking my heart even though, in this photo, it appears to be looking at me with total disdain, as if to say,"Feed me you crazy ass bitch. After all, it was YOUR cat that almost devoured me feet and all." It would just look up at me and throw its mouth open as if I had a stash of random worms and bugs to toss in the gaping, weird, rubber-band-looking mouth hole.

When I left for work, it was no where to be seen. I choose to believe he learned to fly and went back to the nest. Yes ma'am, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.