Riddle me this people: Why does our society want people to decide what they want to do for the rest of their lives when they are 18 to 22-years-old? Up until age 20 or so, I thought I wanted to be an advertising executive. Living the good life, going out to happy hours, no kids, climbing the corporate ladder, running ad campaigns, etc, etc, etc,. So, I got a business degree in marketing and promptly realized that I hated it and everything that went along with it.
I HATED IT.
And by HATED it, I mean I despised it with every FIBER OF MY BEING. I wanted to throw up on it and kick it while it was down. I wanted to walk into the dean's office and give him the finger while yelling, "Thanks for nuthin' dick!!!!"
I hated the professors, the classes, and the students (except for some of the marketing people like me). I hated the culture, the expectations, the EXTREME snottiness that is the UT business school.
I.HATED. IT. Still do.
I made C's in Finance, Calculus, Economics and Accouting yet I made A's in Child Development, Art History, Anatomy, Human Sex, etc. You get the idea. I should have switched majors, but everyone around me (with the exception of my mom) told me how great it would be to have a business degree and how I should just stick it out.
Because of my "training" at the business school, I got multiple job offers, none of which I accepted (hey, the economy was great and jobs were plentiful, and before you get all judgy on my ass, let me just tell you that one job was for DeWalt tools where I would go to construction sites and sell the industrial power tools to the foremen......um, no thank you).
I was so.incredibly.happy to be out of school that the thought of going back made me want to puke (and you know I hate puking), yet I had no clue what I was going to do. Circumstance let me take a few months off, where I did nothing but sleep and eat and sleep and sleep some more. It was like I was recovering from a 4 year, shitty-ass nightmare. But then that asshole called "reality" or some shit came a-knockin', and I had to get a job. I taught preschool for a little while (it was mostly like daycare) and now I've been at my job for almost 5 years now. It's not my calling, but it pays the bills.
What's my point? I'm not sure.
All I know is at 18, I had it all figured out, and now at 29 I'm not at all sure. I never wanted kids, but as I get closer to 30, I'm learning about that damn "clock" people keep yammering about. I want nothing more than to stay home and cook dinner and CLEAN. WHAT???? What is happening to me? It's me!! Messy Marvin. She who can't keep anything neat for more than a day. I'm just a huge confused mess. The thought of having kids doesn't scare me to hell anymore, and the bitch of it all is now that I WANT to stay home, I can't because of financial reasons. To make matters worse, I'm about to go meet my precious, glowingly pregnant best friend for dinner. I'm finding myself increasingly jealous of her. Again, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?????
Either snap me back to reality, people, or tell me "this too shall pass" and I'm completely normal.
I HATED IT.
And by HATED it, I mean I despised it with every FIBER OF MY BEING. I wanted to throw up on it and kick it while it was down. I wanted to walk into the dean's office and give him the finger while yelling, "Thanks for nuthin' dick!!!!"
I hated the professors, the classes, and the students (except for some of the marketing people like me). I hated the culture, the expectations, the EXTREME snottiness that is the UT business school.
I.HATED. IT. Still do.
I made C's in Finance, Calculus, Economics and Accouting yet I made A's in Child Development, Art History, Anatomy, Human Sex, etc. You get the idea. I should have switched majors, but everyone around me (with the exception of my mom) told me how great it would be to have a business degree and how I should just stick it out.
Because of my "training" at the business school, I got multiple job offers, none of which I accepted (hey, the economy was great and jobs were plentiful, and before you get all judgy on my ass, let me just tell you that one job was for DeWalt tools where I would go to construction sites and sell the industrial power tools to the foremen......um, no thank you).
I was so.incredibly.happy to be out of school that the thought of going back made me want to puke (and you know I hate puking), yet I had no clue what I was going to do. Circumstance let me take a few months off, where I did nothing but sleep and eat and sleep and sleep some more. It was like I was recovering from a 4 year, shitty-ass nightmare. But then that asshole called "reality" or some shit came a-knockin', and I had to get a job. I taught preschool for a little while (it was mostly like daycare) and now I've been at my job for almost 5 years now. It's not my calling, but it pays the bills.
What's my point? I'm not sure.
All I know is at 18, I had it all figured out, and now at 29 I'm not at all sure. I never wanted kids, but as I get closer to 30, I'm learning about that damn "clock" people keep yammering about. I want nothing more than to stay home and cook dinner and CLEAN. WHAT???? What is happening to me? It's me!! Messy Marvin. She who can't keep anything neat for more than a day. I'm just a huge confused mess. The thought of having kids doesn't scare me to hell anymore, and the bitch of it all is now that I WANT to stay home, I can't because of financial reasons. To make matters worse, I'm about to go meet my precious, glowingly pregnant best friend for dinner. I'm finding myself increasingly jealous of her. Again, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?????
Either snap me back to reality, people, or tell me "this too shall pass" and I'm completely normal.
20 Comments:
Deep breaths. Occasionally when one of my friends, or for some reason in past years, almost all of them are pregnant at the same time I start to find myself in the 'nesting' mode. I'm still on the fence about kids of my own, although I realize going on a date would be a great start, but I figure in time I'll figure it out.
As for knowing it all at 18 and now being completely and utterly confused, I'm right there with you. I started in psychology, switched to computers because I thought it would be more lucrative and fun. Got the great job right out of school and then WHAMO! All the great jobs left for India and I've been floundering around ever since trying to figure it all out.
We're not alone in this. There is a generational shift going on with our age group. We are called the 'Twixters'. Time ran an article on it last year and I was relieved to find out I wasn't alone.
In his view, what looks like incessant, hedonistic play is the twixters’ way of trying on jobs and partners and personalities and making sure that when they do settle down, they do it the right way, their way. It’s not that they don’t take adulthood seriously; they take it so seriously, they’re spending years carefully choosing the right path into it.
By the time our children, if we choose to have them, reach there twenties, it will seem strange to settle down before the late 20's to early 30's. So don't feel so overwhelmed by being 29 and still not being where you want to or sure of where that is and how to get there or the fact that you don't have it all figured out yet. There's a whole train of us crazies out there. :)
I completely understand, even though my big push to get married and have kids was when I was 25. Uhn, mistake on the marriage part. But the kids are great.
Just today Megan had to turn in her junior year schedule and there was so much drama about 'do I take a 4th year of Spanish (AP class) or take something else' and then of couse she has second thoughts after turning it in. And then "oh colleges don't look at your senior year stuff"
I just said "relax". Then there's the pressure of 'what do you want to be..' I say start undeclared and figure out what you like. My ex is pushing her to decide at this age.
And the fact that she's a perfectionist makes it more stressful for her.
Anyway, enough about me. You'll figure out whether to have kids when the time is right. And, if you want to stay home you should try to figure out a way. I worked FT with both the girls and after the second, when Dad was a SAHD, although not by agreement but b/c he couldn't get a job, I definitely resented it. Which was just one more nail in the coffin of our marriage.
YOU ARE SO NORMAL.
I am 25 years old and have no fucking clue what I want to do. I am planning to get into nursing schools, but no not really sure that is what I want to do. Business is more me...wtf? I want to be a nurse no I dont yeah cant make up my mind. DO I want to work in business...dont know that either.
ALL I REALLY WANT IS TO STAY HOME AND RAISE BABIES AND BE A HOUSE WIFE/SAHM. Financially not possible here either.
Then there is the fact that I am not happy in my marriage, I am a mess as well. IT IS NORMAL...I want babies and if my marriage was great and finances were good I would have one or ten right now but they arent and it sucks. I am extremely jealous and envious when others around me are having babies it is so hard. SO HARD. But my time will come I just wish I knew what I wanted to do and that I was happy!
Hang in there it will all work out!
You are NOT alone. It will be okay.
You will find your calling and will be very happy. If you think you want to have kids and stay home, then by all means, that is exactly what you should do. If you don't, then don't.
At 18, I thought I knew everything about the world, but still had no clue as to what I wanted to do. I went to college and got my associates degree. Then I went to paralegal school because I had a job in a law firm. I still don't know if it's what I want to do with my life, but hey, I'm good at it. So I'll stick with it.
I don't think it ever too late to do what you really want to do! No matter your age, you should choose a career/job that makes you happy.
As for having kids, staying home, etc..
I am always doubting my decisions and whether the timing was right in my life.
You are definitely not crazy!
You sound normal... just frustrated. Actually it sounds like you are approaching a crossroads, and maybe the road around you is foggy. (heh. How's that for prose?)
You know what? I always thought I would do insurance. It's what I'm good at, it's what I've done since I was 16. Then 7 years ago... it all changed. Now I do something so completely insanely different - that I'm having to go back to school for a degree in Criminal Justice. huh. Life is funny.
What you are describing is a feeling that all of us will either go through - or have already gone through. Just take a deep breath, brace your shoulders, and dive into life. You can do it. You got a husband there that's got your back, and you've got all of us here to scream to when you need it.
As for kids - the only advice I can tell you is that if you wait until you think you're ready to have kids - you'll never have them!! LOL. That's just my opinion though...
norman!
It's perfectly normal. When I was 25, all my friends were having babies and announcing pregnancies. I wanted a baby too. But soon, it wore off. Here am I 27 and I'm in the same boat kind of. I'm scared to death to have kids, but I can hear the faint sound of ticking.
My mother-in-law is 70. She says she STILL doesn't know what she wants to be when she grows up. THis comment made me love her. Because I feel the same way. :-)
As for the pregnancy thing -- everyone feels that urge at different times. I didn't feel a very strong urge until about 29 too.
Hope you have fun with your friend. Don't have babies until you're ready. Or really, don't let anyone pressure you to have them....
i vote for "Normal" ;)
because if you're not normal, then i'm not normal.
Perfectly normal. If none of us questioned what the hell we were doing, well, I don't know. I'd be pissed, because I ALWAYS wonder what the hell I'm doing. ;)
You know what I mean.
((((HUGS))))
That clock can be a bitch.
I so feel your pain. I went to school hell bent on being a lawyer. Once I realized that to be a successful lawyer you have to sell your soul to the firm for the first ten years out of school (compounded with 80-100K in school loans) I promptly said um, no. But I still liked the field. So I decided paralegal. Went BACK to school to get my certificate which was so stupid because I learned nothing and had to learn it all on the job. Now less than 3 years after all that, I am not sure again and am trying something else out. Truth be told, I would kill to squeeze out a baby and just be mama for a while. What you feel is totally normal. And I hate that motherfuckin clock too. Someone should take out its batteries.
I just smile cuz at 17 everyone was sending their school transcripts and ACT test scores to their colleges of choice.
I had NO idea where I wanted to go or what I wanted to do. Up to that point I had been carrying out the plan to become a teacher... but didn't know for sure WHAT I wanted to do or where to go to college.
I just opened the college directory in the councellors office and picked 3 to send them to at random because we 'had' to.
I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up... and I'm 35!
You are totally normal. I got a marketing degree but I actually found something I enjoy doing that somewhat uses what I learned in school. But I, like you, have been through the "did I make the right choice" part. I have never really wanted to climb the corporate ladder but I didn't want to be a SAHM either. But now I do. And like you I will never be able to financially do that. Not with my husband's chosen profession. So I like you yearn for something else.
I don't think that you're ever too old to change your mind about what you want to do or where you're headed in life. I think that is part of our growing and changing as we age. We always yearn for something to improve on or to change about ourselves or our situation.
I'm wondering the exact same thing. I have a baby in suburbia, and it's not as smooth as I thought I could make it. I know what I want today(but don't have time or freedom for it now that I have a kid), but tomorrow it will change. Again I say, don't have kids until you WANT IT BAD. The clock ain't nothin'. My dad's new wife is 43 and wants to have her first kid. Won't that be f'in crazy? Change jobs(or try to take a sabbatical or something), get an internship doing something you want. Go back to school at night and get that degree you wanted before(yes, the laundry won't get done).
WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
Me brain cannot believe what me hearing from you mouth..........
Melissa got to you, didn't she?
I worked for so long, after dropping out of school for a dumb fucking girl. I hated it.
When I went back to finish my degree, wow. I can't tell you how incredible it felt to learn. LEARN. Something about it I dont know. I feel so much more productive and happy when I come back from class as opposed to making a couple hundred bucks. SO much more satisfying.
Been there. Done that.
And now that I have all that stuff I wanted back then? Problems of a new, different nature....It's all hard.
Live your life to the fullest, whatever that means for you, you only go around once!
I'm so happy that you posted this...
I feel so similar. As a kid (and I mean young), I wanted to be a chiropractor, a vet, a journalist, a lawyer...you name it, I wanted to do it for the rest of my life.
NOW??
I'm almost done my masters, yet I have no idea what I want to do with it, if anything.
Honestly, I'm not that afraid of having 10 careers between now and when I retire. That kind of diversity appeals to me.
Great post!
You are totally normal.
And I have no words of advice for you. Except that it will all work out. It always does, right??
Good luck.
You can just wait and let your big sis have a kid first :). This too shall pass, the only constant we can count on is change.
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