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Saturday, June 24, 2006
Shut Up
Dear Rude Ass Neighbors:

We woke up at 4:20 this morning to the AWESOME sounds of partying in your backyard. Which is literally 6-7 feet from our bedroom window. You had a fire going (which, I might add, is totally unnecessary in Texas in June) and you were LOUD. I mean MOTHERFUCKING LOUD. Laughing, fighting, crying....I couldn't tell. After about 20 minutes I realized you weren't just out there for a smoke break, so I called 311 (non-emergency emergency) on your asses. Yes, that was me. And I stood in the bathroom peeking out the window in hopes of seeing you get busted. The cop came about 5 am and I could hear him tell you guys that PEOPLE ARE SLEEPING. Do you not comprehend that partying outside at 4 am is unacceptable? I know you are Australian, and I LOVE a good accent as much as the next lady, but IT'S NOT CUTE OR SEXY AT 4AM.

Let me explain since you obvoisly haven't grasped this yet.

This neighborhood was built in the early 70s and many of the original homeowners remain. They are in their 60s. It is a really quiet neighborhood which is why we love it. So STOP FUCKING HAVING PARTIES AT 4am. It's rude and it's annoying. Get some fucking manners...And one more thing, despite the fact that I KNOW you exist, I've never actually seen you. Is your house a meth lab? Are you laundering money through your "building company"? And about that. Do you really need 4 vehicles and a trailer? You continue to park in front of our house and THAT is also starting to piss me off because when I look out my front window, I see this (the orange car on the right that you can barely see is theirs too):



Or this:

Hey guess what. That truck hasn't sold in over a year, so you might want to give up the dream. And that white trailer just annoys the crap out of me (what you can't see in the picture is that there is another red truck on the street on the other side of the trailer).

In conclusion, you're loud, weird and take up too much space. I want you to acquire a fence door and remove the dishwasher from the side of your house. You are bringing down the value of your home and mine. Yeah, let's work on that.

Regards,

Your Pissy yet Sweet Neighbor and her Equally Annoyed Husband



22 Comments:

Blogger Tx Mom said...

Great letter. That would annoy me too. Our neighbor has at least 4 cars parked on the street at any give time. It drives us nuts. We call it Joe's Garage (the neighbor's name is Joe).

I think we live next to the same people. Bad neighbors suck ass.

Blogger Kami said...

Gawd. Forget the party. What's with the vehicles?

Blogger Linlee said...

I feel your pain... we have a neighbor that works on cars for a living. He has had up to 8 cars nose to nose in front of his house and compacted them in the drive way in every direction The whole street is covered in oil. We have reported him several times. The cops come, ticket the cars, they go away for about a week and then voila they reappear.
Good Luck!

Blogger Lynilu said...

Bad neighbors stink. and unfortunately it seems that most everything you do doesn't help. But stay in there, be persistent in calling for nuisances and maybe, just maybe they'll finally go away . . . or swallow nails. Whatever works.Good luck.

Blogger HollowSquirrel said...

Love the letter. Perhaps you can scratch it into the hood of one of their many cars? I would have SO called the cops on them and hid in the bathroom, too.

Maybe your town has an ordinance or law about work vehicles parked on residential streets? SO ANNOYING! I'm sorry!

Blogger Carrie said...

That's ridiculous, all of it. It's common sense that if you are going to party at 4am that you should stay inside and keep it down! I think that the next time they have an all nighter, you and all the neighbors should simoltaneously get up at 6am and mow all your yards, do loud ass home repairs, honk horns for no obvious reason, encourage dogs to bark, etc... what rude ass people!

Blogger Karla May said...

Dear Queen of Napville:

Do they not know you are royalty? Jeezus.

Do what I did when I had a similar situation: Cut and paste this into a word doc. Copy and past an official "City of Austin" logo (which you can swipe from their website with a simple right click and save as) into the upper left corner of the page before you print it. Print it on a color printer. Tape it to their door or leave it in their mailbox when they're not looking. It will FREAK THEM OUT. Trust me. Here's the text.

§ AUSTIN CITY ORDINANCE 10-5-5: RESTRICTION ON USE OF SOUND EQUIPMENT IN A RESIDENTIAL AREA.
(A) This section applies to property zoned as residential under Section 25-2-32(B) (Zoning Districts and Map Codes).
(B) A person may not use sound equipment that produces sound audible beyond the property line of a residence in a residential area between 10:00 p.m. and 10:00 a.m.
(C) A person may not use sound equipment audible beyond the property line of a residence in a residential area that produces sound in excess of 75 decibels.
Source: Ord. 030130-35.



§ AUSTIN CITY ORDINANCE 10-5-5: RESTRICTION ON USE OF SOUND EQUIPMENT IN A RESIDENTIAL AREA.
(A) This section applies to property zoned as residential under Section 25-2-32(B) (Zoning Districts and Map Codes).
(B) A person may not use sound equipment that produces sound audible beyond the property line of a residence in a residential area between 10:00 p.m. and 10:00 a.m.
(C) A person may not use sound equipment audible beyond the property line of a residence in a residential area that produces sound in excess of 75 decibels.
Source: Ord. 030130-35.

Blogger aka_Meritt said...

Wow... I hate neighbors. I always have and always will. But YOUR neighbors would drive me INSANE!!!!!!!

Blogger Lori said...

I definitely would have called the cops! And I hate it when people park in front of our house too.

Blogger Lisa said...

Agggh. That really sucks. Good luck!

Blogger pack of 2 said...

Oh, Sorry...were we too loud?

Yes, we sell meth...it was a meth party for crying out loud...ya know, like an Avon party...Sheesh!

Oh & the cars? We steal them to buy meth supplies:)

Really, we go to bed Waaaayyy earlier than 4am...I would be so pissed too.

Hope it gets better. I say keep calling the cops!

Shelly

Blogger suburban mom said...

oh wow. That is crazy. I would have been very pissed.

Blogger The Kept Woman said...

So you love your neighbors, right?

Blogger Shell said...

I'd call the cops and say that the van has been parked in front of your house for a LONG TIME and you think maybe it's stolen 'cause it isn't yours and you haven't seen it move in days. When they say it isn't then say you want it towed. Sometimes they will call and get a tow truck for you.

Sometimes that works. Well here in Houston it does. The cops are just WAY too tow truck happy here.

Blogger Lilah Mum said...

LOL!!!! Please tell me you actually sent that to them....and that wasn't just for the blog. Does everyone have a neighbor like that - we do....

Anonymous wendy boucher said...

Sorry about the neighbors. I guess you all don't bake pies for each other and stuff.

Blogger Tammy said...

Oh, no they didn't. You need to install a motion light pointed right into their yard. And bedroom.
Or start partying at 10 a.m. When they are sleeping.

Blogger wordgirl said...

Amen! And again...amen. People like that piss me off like nothing else.

Anonymous isabel said...

Dude, it's totally a meth lab. Great neighbors! Blah.

Blogger Heather said...

Two doors down from us live the people known as the porch monkeys. Two guys renting a house, with regular trollops stopping by. They drink on the front porch from sun up to... well, I don't think I've seen them stop. Neither of them drive, they just walk to the liquor store I think. They blast music at all hours, and, if those habits weren't endearing enough, they also communicate exclusively in four letter words and are fond of mowing the lawn at 3am.

Blogger Durga&Michael said...

opps..
I apologise on behalf of all Australians for the idiots that live next door to you.
Sadly, it seems that only total morons ever represent our country like our Primie Minister- GWBush Ass kisser John Howard.

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